27 May 2010

If I be good...?

Okay, there we were, driving down the road, almost home, when I tell Dallas that there's a surprise waiting at home.
"Guess who's at home," I tell him, trying to hide a smile.
"Gramma and Grampa!" I knew he would get it the first time around, but before I could go on to tell him he was right, and how much fun it would be, he continued, "And daddy?"
I didn't know what to say for a moment, then I rallied a smile and told him "no", that daddy was at work.
"If I be good?" my dissappointed son asked. I ask you, what am I supposed to tell him? Daddy's been gone for a while now, and no matter how often they get to talk, or skype, Dallas will ask every few days if daddy's going to be home. He even once demanded that Josh get on a plane and come back; he handed the phone back to me, crying, when Josh told him it wasn't possible right then. I can explain til I'm blue in the face that he has to work; that he wants to see us, but can't just now; maybe later when it's time to move; maybe we can skype tonight so you can see him and say I love you; maybe, maybe, if, when....they're all lousy excuses, and my little boy sees through every one. All Dallas can see is that Daddy is far away and needs to come back to see him.
On the bright side of that, Josh is actually coming home next week! He'll only be here for four days, but I'll bet that won't make much difference to Dallas, who will be only too happy to stay home from Ms. Kim's and be with his daddy instead. That weekend also happens to be Ben and Faye's 50th anniversary party. (Josh's paternal grandparents.) I have the honor of making the cake for the event, rather, I'll be decorating it. I'm very excited about it, even though I've been doing this for over a year now, and I can't wait to get started! I can see it all in my head, how the roses will be placed, the beautiful photos arranged...but I won't go on about it, I'll just post pictures when I've finished!
Back to Josh, we've decided to set some time aside for a little anniversary celebration, (it's five years now!) as well as seeing a movie (Shrek Forever After 3D), and probably some swim time. I know that I'm very excited about the whole thing, and I've been helping Dallas mark the days off on the calendar, so he knows when Daddy will be here.
Right now, Dallas is outside playing on his slip'n'slide, but we had a few incidents this week, where I would check, or, I admit, be completely distracted, and he'd run off. Now, he isn't running far, just to Aunt Sarah's next door. But to get there he has to go through a corner of the back field, which hasn't been mown, and very likely has snakes everywhere. He also isn't asking first, or if he has I've told him no. Usually I have a very good reason, the problem is getting Dallas to understand. Because Sarah is pregnant (see her blog for updates) and her blood pressure is up, I haven't thought that she'd want the extra noise-maker haning around. I felt like such a horrible mom, losing my son, and having to go bring him back home, not one but several times. I've tried to impress upon him the importance of asking first, and that he's not to go anywhere unless I'm with him, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to find more things to involve him in over the coming summer to keep him from dashing off. Sarah and I hung out this last Sunday and Monday--going to church together, going to the store, driving all the way downtown for her doctor's appointment, and we had a lot of fun. (I also followed her home and checked out her adorable nursery. All covered in butterflies, pink and green, little checkered things, cute blankets, tons of darling clothes...just the most perfect little room imaginable!) Esxtensive research on my part has also gone into finding the cutest thing for little Kaydence's arrival. While I'm making headway, I do believe I'll have to go shopping in every store with little girls' clothes in order to find just the right item. They're all just so sweet, and little, and...and...and Sarah is just going to have to put up with my "little girl splurges" until I get one of my own!
Oh yeah, my kid, the little escape artist, maybe I'll pick out one of those cheapie inflateable pools to help keep him distracted for the next six days....not that I'm counting!

22 May 2010

Congratulations (grudgingly)...

I don't like graduation. Well, it was ok when I was the one taking the walk, but now all it means is a blizzard's worth of cakes. I don't think we've had fewer than 30 cakes for each of the last three Saturdays. Maria and I have been up to our ears in orders, and over our heads with the needed backup. Our individual overtime beats that of the rest of the bakery combined. To say that I'm tired of cake is an understatement, and the smell of frosting makes me want to lose my breakfast.
However, before i go off and bore you all, I'll tell you that Dallas is his normal bouncy, loving self. In fact, just the other day, I had a friend with me in the car when I picked him up from daycare. When we passed the turnoff for her house he asked if she was coming to our house; I told him she was, and he immediately responded with "I like you, Mommy!". I don't think I could handle all the work stuff if I wasn't able to come home to that little smile.
About Josh, we're still missing him a whole lot. Dallas is always anxious to talk to him when it's time for Daddy to call, although I have noticed that he talks less and less, more interested in just hearing Josh say that he loves him, and misses him. This has been just as hard, and harder, than I thought it would be. I try to distract myself with packing and find myself minutes later having packed nothing, merely staring at the items in my hands, remembering everything that has to do with Josh that's connected to them. I walk back and forth at Wal-Mart, to and from my breaks, and catch a glimpse down an aisle of a man holding hands with a little boy, or carrying one on his shoulders, and my heart jumps a little, only to fall all the harder when I realize how silly it was of me to think it might have been Josh. Only talking to him helps relieve the ache. I'm so grateful for this day and age where I can do just that, even though we are so far apart, and our schedules are contrary to the other's, knowing I can pick up the phone and hear his voice keeps me from getting too melancholy.
Soon, very soon, graduation season will be over, and we'll be able to see Josh again, and the world will be right once more.