22 May 2010

Congratulations (grudgingly)...

I don't like graduation. Well, it was ok when I was the one taking the walk, but now all it means is a blizzard's worth of cakes. I don't think we've had fewer than 30 cakes for each of the last three Saturdays. Maria and I have been up to our ears in orders, and over our heads with the needed backup. Our individual overtime beats that of the rest of the bakery combined. To say that I'm tired of cake is an understatement, and the smell of frosting makes me want to lose my breakfast.
However, before i go off and bore you all, I'll tell you that Dallas is his normal bouncy, loving self. In fact, just the other day, I had a friend with me in the car when I picked him up from daycare. When we passed the turnoff for her house he asked if she was coming to our house; I told him she was, and he immediately responded with "I like you, Mommy!". I don't think I could handle all the work stuff if I wasn't able to come home to that little smile.
About Josh, we're still missing him a whole lot. Dallas is always anxious to talk to him when it's time for Daddy to call, although I have noticed that he talks less and less, more interested in just hearing Josh say that he loves him, and misses him. This has been just as hard, and harder, than I thought it would be. I try to distract myself with packing and find myself minutes later having packed nothing, merely staring at the items in my hands, remembering everything that has to do with Josh that's connected to them. I walk back and forth at Wal-Mart, to and from my breaks, and catch a glimpse down an aisle of a man holding hands with a little boy, or carrying one on his shoulders, and my heart jumps a little, only to fall all the harder when I realize how silly it was of me to think it might have been Josh. Only talking to him helps relieve the ache. I'm so grateful for this day and age where I can do just that, even though we are so far apart, and our schedules are contrary to the other's, knowing I can pick up the phone and hear his voice keeps me from getting too melancholy.
Soon, very soon, graduation season will be over, and we'll be able to see Josh again, and the world will be right once more.

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